Blowing Steam

My house or apartment or single room for that matter is almost never clean.  My  husband and I live in a single room apartment with our two girls.  That leaves us with very little room to move.  Basically, the girls sleep in the room because that is the only way I can keep them from waking up during nap times and bed time and allows me to shut the door so I can get some work done.  August and I sleep out in the great room which is also our living room, which is also our kitchen.  Sound cozy?  Not exactly.  It is almost never clean because even if one part of the room is dirty it causes the rest of the room to look a mess as well.  If our bed is unmade, there is no closing the bedroom door to hide it.  If the kitchen is a mess then it takes nearly 45 minutes alone to clean it because the sink is a single sink with a faucet that barely reaches high enough to rinse our biggest pot and there is no dishwasher.  Clean dishes are thus always piled up on the counter because usually I am ALWAYS washing dishes.  If I sound frustrated that is an understatement.  Our apartment sits over a garage so we are constantly tracking in rocks and dirt.  Luckily the floor is hardwood so that makes cleaning at least a little simpler since all I have to do is sweep.  There is no washer and dryer in our apartment.  To wash our clothes I have to go next door to my in-laws house (who are the ones who own our apartment) upstairs and into the farthest back bedroom to wash our dirty clothes.  There is no closest space and what closest space I do have is piled high with boxes storing everything under the sun.  So, our dirty clothes usually sit on the floor in plain view until I can get a chance to do laundry…which isn’t very often because usually I am chasing our two girls around who are both less than two years old.  It is very difficult to carry them both over next door and upstairs so i can do laundry which takes at least two hours.  So, do I sit there or make the trip twice with the girls?  Yarrrg!  What can I say?  I try to make the best out of it that i can.  I try to stay positive and most of the time I am but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with it all.  There is no air conditioning except for one window unit and since we sit above a garage, it gets very hot in here even with the unit running.  It is not insulated well at all so in the winter time we are spending an arm and a leg to heat the place.

I just want to get out of here.  As my husband holds down two jobs in this slow economy I know we don’t really have room to complain.  I’d rather rough it here than demand more of him to have a bigger place.  I just feel so helpless sometimes.  Do I go out and get a job and leave our two girls?  The thought of that makes me cringe.  What can my husband do?  He is working so hard!  All I can do is hold on to the hope that someday this will all be history.  Perhaps I’ll even look back upon this time and laugh.  But right now it’s hard.  That’s all I can say.  I pray for patience continually.  I pray for mercy because I am such a fallen person and I hate that I get so frustrated.  I pray for wisdom in using what I can to teach and instruct our children.  Perhaps God is teaching me that less is more.  He wants me to be content in all things.  I know.  I’m trying to relax.  I’m trying to stay positive.  But sometimes I just have to vent.  I recognize that I can’t do everything that I want to and I have to make sacrifices but I am not perfect and I do get so frustrated.  There.

Now I will return to my duties.  I will continue cleaning.  I will make my bed.  I will put the girls toys away only to have them back out again.  I will wash our dishes and put them away.  I will sweep the floor.  I will scrub the shower.  I will start over and do them all over again within a matter of minutes.  Will I smile?  Probably not.  But I will try to remember how blessed I am to have my two girls and a husband that works hard.

The end.

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