The example of Ruth

Here it is 10:12 at night and I am still awake.  Why?  I have been up editing a story to submit to my instructor.  It seems that the more I dwell on getting it just right so that maybe I can submit this story to an actual publisher the more challenging the editing becomes.  Oh, this sentence is too long.  I repeated this word two times before.  There’s a sentence splice!  Am I introducing my character off the bat?  Is the second part of my story lagging?  Is my conclusion concise? Editing is definitely a challenge for me because I never really see a “perfect” product.  There is always something I could change to make it that much better.  Isn’t that how life is?  And is it harder to take a look at ourselves than to look at someone else and see things that need changing?  I certainly think so.

We are expecting our third child at the end of the year!  My youngest and the new baby will be exactly two years apart.  I am thrilled.  Ecstatic.  Overjoyed.  Knowing there is a little life forming within me at this very moment, which I believe God already knows of intimately, somehow makes me realize how precious child bearing really is.  Somewhere in the secret of my womb God is ever so delicately and creatively knitting together my child.  So you think sharing the news would be an easy thing, right?  Wrong.  OH how I dreaded it.  Somehow, because we use natural birth control, everyone assumes all of our pregnancies are “accidents.”  The reactions I have received have ranged all the way from overjoyed, tears flowing, missing exits on the highway (love you Momma), all the way to flat out anger and bitterness to just plain inconsiderate statements like, “are you freaking right now?”  I try to answer, “no actually, I’m not freaking because this didn’t catch me by surprise. ”  I find myself explaining to others why I am happy and trying to convince them that they should be too.  With each pregnancy I knew the day I conceived.  No we weren’t “planning” for a child.  But we weren’t “trying” to prevent it either.  I wasn’t like, “oh no how did this happen!?  How could I have gotten pregnant!?” Mostly because I didn’t want to really NOT get pregnant in the first place.  So out of the wood work have come well meaning friends and family trying to tell us in “Christian” terms how they think we should be honoring God.  I’m sorry.  I know I shouldn’t be offended.  But I am.  Inwardly I cringe because again it is so easy to judge others and make assumptions and somehow I find myself always being judged.  Instead of basking in the glow of my secret child hidden within me, I somehow feel laughed at, scorned, mocked…judged and reprimanded.  “Did you hear about A and K?  They’re pregnant…AGAIN!”  “Let’s hope that doesn’t happen to us!  Let’s use A and K as an example of what we don’t want to happen to us!”  “Oh gosh, K just isn’t smart enough to use birth control.” Is it wrong to blindly trust in the provision of God?  Please consider this for just a moment.  Are those Christian responses?  Somehow we have received warmer congratulations from our non-christian friends.  This makes me so sad because it just makes it all the more clear how much our church has “lukewarm-ed.”  We take couples who see children as a blessing from God, as arrows in the hands of a warrior, and mock them, tell them they are making children their idols,  talk about them behind their backs and somehow feel superior to them?  Something is wrong.  And although I fully understand the work involved in child rearing, it hasn’t been “work” to me.  It has been JOY.  BLISS.  HEAVEN.  God is our God and children are His blessings to us, not our idol!

So again, is it easier to edit someone elses  life because it’s easier to see sin in others than it is in ourselves?  Perhaps I am a laid back individual.  I don’t “plan” my life out in a daily planner.  I don’t aspire to reach dreams of a successful career because really all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mother (*cough* what a shame says the world).  Here I am really living out my dream of having my own family surrounding me.  Now here I am enjoying the warmth and love and innocence of my own children and what do I receive?  Reactions like, “well oh no! what are you going to do now?”  I answer you now.  Live.  Love.  Praise my Savior in Heaven.  Worship Him. Be instructed by Him.  Pick up my cross.  Accept the trials He has given me as growing experiences that will bring me closer to Him.  No I will not be that perfect writer I want to be, I will never have the comfort of as much money as I would like to have, I won’t get everything I want…but I am completely, 100% OK with that!  I am in love with the fact that God has given me the children He has because He sees me as capable of loving them (more of them!), pouring in to them, ministering to them, growing them up in the knowledge of Christ as Redeemer.  Like Ruth said to Naomi, “Where you will go I will go, where you will lodge I will lodge, your people will be my people and your God will be my God,” so I too  will follow my Savior.  Simply speaking all I want in life is to follow Him.  Isn’t that what we are ultimately created for?  Did God create me to make $60,000 a year?  Nope.  Wouldn’t want to be.  Was I created to be the perfect model of a mother who works 8 hours a day and only sees her children for 3 and balances home life with work life? NOPE.  Wouldn’t want to be!  I don’t see my children as hindrances to my life or goals.  I see them as blessings.

So reader this is just my personal letter to myself expressing my frustrations.  Bear with me.

“But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge.  Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. “Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried.  Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.” Ruth 1: 16-17

This is how I want to love my husband.  This is how I want to love my God.  Come what may down this road of life but never EVER will I freak out about the blessing of another child for this is where I feel God has called me.

Amen.

Silly Socks

My youngest daughter loves to play and be chased.  Every night before bedtime we play the “silly socks” game, which sometimes isn’t a game to me because I’m tired, but more of a game to her because she does not like to sit still long enough to be changed.  This morning, as she was walking around our wood floors still wearing her pink and gray stripped jammies I noticed one sock dangling off her foot…she kept walking without being bothered by it.  I just happened to come up to her and say, “Oh sweet darling can I fix your silly sock?!”  Then it hit me.  What a cute little poem it would make.  What a perfect story for a toddler.  This is just a little rhyme scheme I put together which was so sweetly inspired by my adventurous little girl.

Silly Socks

Off your feet and into the wash go your sweet pink and white, silly socks.

Tickles, giggles, chuckles and snorts as you smell your stinky, silly socks.

Then one sock your grab and one sock your throw,

“Where oh where did the silly socks go?”

Oh where can I find you but ‘round the corner, I see you, silly socks!

Dashing, darting, “is Baby OK?”  Down you went with silly socks!

Then one sock your grab but this time don’t throw,

Baby needs love now, “Please Mommy, don’t go!”

Kisses and hugs, time for bed, “night night baby with your silly socks.”

Tomorrow you’ll wake and tomorrow you’ll find even more…

silly socks!

 

Joy

Taking an afternoon walk out in the back field to play with the newborn lambs.

After she wakes up from her nap she always wants to snuggle.  I absolutely cherish this time considering she is always so busy!

Peacocks For Sale

These are my first two sketches I plan to sell on Etsy.  They are graphite and black prismacolor and protected with a sealant that will prevent any bleeding from occurring.  I think they are gorgeous and it is a little tough seeing them go…but you have to start somewhere, right?!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheArtBakery

Just in case you were interested or wanted them yourself!

Spring Cleaning the Blog

In case you are a regular viewer of my blog you would have formally recognized it as “In N..Style.”   I am changing it solely for the reason of privacy to our family’s name.   If you know who we are then this should not be a problem for you.  Enjoy reading on our little blogs of adventures and perhaps my own secret musings as a busy busy busy mommy of two young children.

Raising Little Women

Each child is so unique and even more unique and beautiful to you is your own child.  My eldest absolutely loves horses.  She loves watching them, playing with them, dreaming about them, imagining she’s riding them, and taking turns on mommy’s horse when she goes to ride.  I can remember being the exact same way.  Are some of us born with the love to ride and be wild and free on the saddle of a horse with only the reigns to decide which way you will choose to explore?  Is it learned?  I do often wonder.  I think my beautiful child sees her momma’s love for horses, raising them, caring for them, riding them, and wants to do as mommy does.  Someday I wish to have land where we can have our own horses.  I am blessed because when my Arabian was so wonderfully given to me back in 2001, I had no idea I would be putting my own girls up on her back and leading them around in little circles.  My wishes have come true!  Thank you Lord!  So in this family, I will raise my “little women” to love the outdoors, to love the wild, to love mountains, to love horses…all things wonderful and exciting.  Each family is so unique and it is a dream of mine to give my girls their own barn someday so that they too can grow up with that familiar and delicious smell of hay, leather, grain, and that oh so cherished horsie smell.  Just a dream.  I pray it comes true someday!

Wild Child

Enya’s song, “Wild Child,” inexpressibly reminds me of my daughters.  Both so playful, full of joy and laughter, but also mischief and trouble, they are so adorable and I love them for who they are.  I was listening to this song and it just made it all the more clear how happy I am to have them and how much I enjoy and support their playfulness.  I don’t want them to grow up being door mats.  I want them to be strong, adventurous, and energetic women who will stand up against what is wrong, but also be able to go with the flow for whatever trials life throws at them.  I hope they are wild all their days!  Not in a rebellious way but in a lively and energetic way…God gave us this beautiful world and I will always look forward to walking with them in this wild adventure called life.

Enya’s Wild Child

Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you’ve nothing missing
You don’t need a reason
Let the day go on and on

Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don’t need a reason
Let the rain go on and on

What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child

Only take the time
From the helter skelter
Every day you find
Everything’s in kilter
You don’t need a reason
Let the day go on and on

Every summer sun
Every winter evening
Every spring to come
Every autumn leaving
You don’t need a reason
Let it all go on and on

What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child

…the naptime secrets of a household engineer…

Sometimes a girl just needs to have a quiet moment to relax.  Sometimes that means making a random cup of coffee but perhaps not too random and grabbing those delicious chocolate covered almonds which are most likely hiding away somewhere secretive.  Sometimes she just needs a moment to gather her thoughts…

…and that’s exactly what I have done in such a brief moment known as my children’s nap time hour.