I struggled with figuring out a title for this post. My fingers started typing “up-to-date” because really that’s what I need to do for you, my readers; is fill you in on our lives once again, but then I erased those words because do I need to “title” every new aspect of our lives? Do we really need to cry out “Here’s what I’m doing!” all the time to make people feel they are connected to our lives?
So, tonight I rocked my precious two year old boy to sleep. I cherished it. I loved sitting there in the dark, quiet of his room listening to his Jewel lullaby music play softly in the background while staring out into a dark hallway where just a few steps down and to the left my two girls were also sleeping. It’s not often I get to do this. Usually, the bedtime hour is crazy and hectic and I’m so tired myself that all I look forward to is getting them all down so that I might have a quiet moment to myself. I realize my fault in this way of thinking. These children are my precious gifts. I am their mother whom God has called in raising them and here I am constantly rushing around trying to find ways to have moments to myself. Are other things really so important that I look forward to being away from them? I find myself also continually trying to find affirmation from this society that makes me something else other than a mother. I can draw quite well, I can play and make beautiful music from my violin, my voice, and my guitar when I want to. I can write pretty well (at least I think I can). When people ask what I do I sometimes sheepishly conjure up an answer that I have an Etsy shop. I find that It’s hard to just flat out say and leave it at that, “I’m a mom.”
But then the little life that slept within my arms in the quite little room upstairs reminded me that what this world values as important and what God values as important are completely different. This life whose now deep and rhythmic breaths are beginning to lull me to sleep is growing, learning, observing, mostly me throughout the day. Oh how truly important it is to invest in his life. To stop and listen to his little conversations throughout the day, to hear his thoughts, to share my own thoughts with him and point him to his Creator. So in this moment I am realizing that what the world sees as doing nothing with myself, to God I am doing everything I need to be doing and so much more. These little hearts are eternal beaters. These little hearts need to hear God’s love. They need to see the gospel being lived out. Even though mommy is tired and sometimes frustrated and wants to have moments to herself…she lays that down sacrificially to serve “the least of these.” God is willing to grow mommy even more…is mommy willing to accept that beautiful gift of growth? Truly, there is no greater gift than having God grow you. Being a parent is challenging but I want you to stop and think. What are we here for on this earth? Are we here to have moments to ourselves that we so often fight for or should we be fighting for more of those moments to share Christ to this new generation who is going to inherit so much responsibility in the coming age? The world they will inherit won’t be a nice one. It is my responsibility as their mother to prepare them for this dark age to come. I trust God that he holds them in His hands but how fleeting are the years I have with them to instruct them in God’s ways, to point them to Him, to live out the gospel in front of them? Even with my oldest five of those years have already passed and only 15 remain until she is a young independent woman!
So mothers out there reading my thoughts…stop. Stop with me. Stop all the business that leads to emptiness. Stop. Be the mother inside you who simply revels in shepherding the hearts of her children and bask in the glow of the Creator who created you to do just that. I want to stop. I want to stop forgetting that nothing else matters compared to these little lives, investments into my own future.
My heart continually prays for these precious little ones.
My heart prays and God hears as I rocked in that soft chair with a precious boy folded up in peace (oh how sweet that he finds me so comforting),
Oh beautiful Father in Heaven, maker of the stars and who has called each one of us by name before we were born, mighty King and eternal brother and friend, this is my deepest prayer. Grace, Anya, and Leo…that you will love the Lord your God with all your soul, with all your heart and with all your mind. I pray God will call you unto himself, that He will continually lead and guide you. I pray that as God called Samuel He will call you quietly in your dreams as you sleep, calling you unto Himself. I pray He will mercifully lay His hands upon you and give you hearts to always trust Him. Do not be tempted to fear. I pray you will live lives of boldness and assurance because of the full knowledge of His love for you. Katherine Grace, my pure and graceful princess, Anya Christine, my favored one of Christ, and Leopold Paul, my bold yet humble leader, may the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord cause His beautiful face to smile upon you, May He be gracious unto you and bring you peace. Always.