UPS wives anonymous

Update:  Because of the response to this post I have created a blog just for us.  Visit The UPS Wife blog at http://www.theupswife.com

Enjoy!  Subscribe and please feel free to comment!

 

My husband works long hours.  In fact often a week will go by before my kids get to see their dad.  We cherish our weekends which is why often than not we don’t go anywhere.  This is such a difficult time for me right now.  Most of the time I feel like a single parent.  What is my husbands job, you say?  Is he in the army?  No..but close.  My husband works for UPS.

The day for him starts at 0545.  I don’t know how he does it.  His alarm goes off and I groan as I try to let myself fall back asleep before my kids wake up and the day starts its crazy self.  He quietly goes downstairs.  I drift back to sleep.  I don’t even hear him leave most mornings.  I wake up.  No husband in bed.  the kids are playing quietly in their rooms so most of the time I try to sneak downstairs to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee.  Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t…lol.  Usually I’ll begin our day with breakfast and a movie.  I’ve been extremely tired as of late.  Fatigue is natural but I’m also recovering from exposure to mold and my body is still trying to push out its toxins.  So, I’m more tired.  I want to change this however.  Less tv, more quiet playing and then a communal bible reading.  I enjoy reading to them out of the “Jesus Storybook Bible”  because every story whispers His name.  I notice that the more movies or tv they watch the more ill behaved they’ll be for the rest of the day.  No TV and they are happier, more content to play quietly after their homeschool session with  me.

So that was a rabbit trail….I suppose you might consider that to be my new years resolution (even though I generally think resolutions are silly excuses to make us feel like we are changing less desired behaviors in ourselves).  But really…with God’s good grace this is what I want to do.

Anyways, fast forward 12, 14, sometimes 16 hours and my kids (all three of them) are sleeping soundly in their beds.  Preparing dinner, bathing, getting into jammies, the reading of bedtime stories, saying prayers, tucking into covers, kissing goodnight, and saying goodnight (sometimes one too many times if you know what I mean) is my job.  I do it alone.  At the end of it I manage to drag myself downstairs (very tired at this point) and usually this is the only time of day that I have to myself.  I spend it cleaning up, putting toys back into their corners, cleaning up the kitchen after the mess of dinner, packing my husbands lunch for the next day, setting his dinner out so all he has to do is come home and eat.  Its after 2100 and my tired, red eyed husband finally comes home.  I hear the rumble of his Mercedes pull up.  I know he’s out there plugging it up to a extension cord so that when it’s below freezing the next morning it will start up for him.  A few moments later and I try to be at the door for him.  I unlock it, he comes in.  We hug.  I kiss him.  We exchange brief moments of conversation as he eats his not so hot anymore dinner.  He’s thankful anyways!  We go to bed.

There needs to be a support group for UPS wives…and I’m thinking about being the one to start it.  Often I find myself down in the dumps.  I’m lonely.  My husband works long and hard hours that even newly graduated residents couldn’t keep up with during their residencies.  I find myself struggling with jealousy too.  I see other family’s having dinner together.  Dad’s playing with their children.  I smile and admire that.  But the smile quickly turns to an inward gloom as I can only hope that someday this trial will come to an end and my husband will be there too.  I keep thinking…if we can just make it to one more promotion maybe he’ll be able to delegate the work out and come home early.  Then I’ll get mad and blame it on him.  Then I realize what better job is there really that he could have with a bachelor’s in history? (no offense to that…)  Teaching pays so little…and for a family of five….I find myself constantly praying and yet unable to pray!  I know God hears the pangs of my heart…I have friends and family who are encouraging and understanding…but they will never really be able to understand completely and I think that’s why I feel so lonely at times.  I feel helpless.  But God sees and has a plan in all of this.  Somehow he is using this to make Himself more known to this little family.  I want my children to grow up with their dad around.  I know you hear me God.

So in all this doom and gloom of this post….I trust in my Father still.  I may be the only one my kids are watching and I may feel overwhelmed most of the time because of it, but how truly blessed I am that those little eyes are watching, observing, learning, and copying…me.  Tonight at dinner I had a worship cd playing.  10,000 reasons came on.  I love the words.  How powerful and poignant they are!  Tonight as I was cooking over the stove, my kids playing, and my eyes watering  as I was feeling particularly lonely…I was trying not to loose it in my grief of the absence of my man (something I experience on a daily basis really) I heard a little voice (and I’m loosing it again right now).  The soft angelic voice of my five year old just behind me.  Singing.  “bless the Lord oh my soul, ohhhhh my soul, worship His holy name…”

And in that moment God revealed to me that my little girl has seen me, heard me sing it.  She’s seen me praise the God of hosts when I thought no one was looking.  And she copied.  (waaaaaaaaaaa) me crying.

I praise God that when I feel like a failure as a parent most of the time there is evidence of a beautiful fruit blooming.  In the hearts of my children.  And failure is not what is being mirrored back to me.  Praise is.

It’s time to sing Your song again!

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “UPS wives anonymous

  1. I am so glad I found this post! My husband & I have been married a little over a year & have been together a total of 4.5. In this time frame he has gone from PT Cover package driver to FT Cover package & now he is a cover Feeder Driver with UPS. I feel your pain & we don’t even have kids yet! We put off buying a home until he was FT & now we are saving for the home but he is always working & as of now because he doesn’t have the seniority, he has a different schedule & route every single week! Since he has been a feeder driver he has been working nights …. 12-14 hour nights, starting anywhere from 2-4 PM!!! Plus his weeks can start any day… there is no M-F. I am home alone at weird hours & as of right now we don’t live in the best area of town… talk about stress & lack of quality sleep! Plus I work FT 8-5 M-F so we don’t even see each other during the day & when I am home, I am preparing him for the next day of work. Making a packed lunch & tons of healthy snacks so it helps him stay awake while driving long nights, washing uniforms, plus making healthy meals he can eat while I’m at work & he is at home. Its like I am being a serving wife to an invisible person… The money is great & I feel so selfish for praying that he gets his own daytime M-F route so he can be at church on Sundays, because God has already answered our prayers & blessed us with him being full time & going to feeder driving… But Lord knows I just want my husband by my side at nights, even if we are just sleeping & I really want him with me at church on Sundays…. If this isn’t a reality soon, I will need to find a work-at-home type job so I can at least see him in the afternoons before he goes in to work..

    Please let me know if you created the support group for UPS wives! I would LOVE to join! Its good to know I am not the only one…

  2. Brea, thank you for finding my blog! I pray it will be something that encourages you during those tough times. I try to be open and honest with what I am struggling with so that others will know just as you say, that they aren’t alone!

    My husband has been working for UPS for five almost six years now. It’s all been crazy and the hours insane. He started part time on the local sort and then eventually moved into management and is now a full-time delivery sup. It’s a blessing for us as the pay is wonderful and the benefits so great compared to what others are provided with. I can’t understand though why UPS can’t cut back on the hours or at least make schedules that are consistent. My husband will work delivery, but when others are on vacation or sick then he’s the one filling in working those hours. So he’ll work 7-7ish most weeks but then others he’s dispatching, or working the preload, or running misloads or supervising the local sort and sometimes subbing for the manager when he’s out. It’s just crazy! I try not to get mad but as you can see (or read) there are those moments where I crack and I just wish he had a different job!! I’ve searched for online support groups when I felt like I needed encouragement from other women who knew exactly what this life is like and never found anything. There is a group on facebook called “ups wives”, so if you haven’t found that give that a try. The women there will post things they are going through or funny moments their husbands experience so it’s a little fun.

    I’ll be praying for you and your husband! I try to remember that this is just a phase and better hours will eventually come. I pray you can work your schedules out to where you can see each other. Make good use of your weekends and the time you have together. It’s not the quantity of how much you are together, but the quality is what matters when you are together.

    Blessings!

    • Wow! I didn’t know you could go from sort to management. 6 years isn’t too bad!

      My husband has been with UPS for 12 years & just became full time this past February!!! (no one wanted to retire so no one moved up) He would work FT hours through peak season (8AM-9/10PM) & then 3-5 months of working (driving) 1 day a week. He could have gone in the hub but the repetitious labor & now their crazy drive for production is even tougher on his 30 yr old body after driving for 6 years & whats the point for 3 hours a day… ? This made it so tough to plan for anything… buying cars, a house/land & having kids was all on hold until he went FT. We would save 20K in peak season just so we could make it through the drought … My husband has looked into other jobs but this is the best here in Jacksonville. To be able to make 90K+ a year with just a HS diploma is amazing! The job security with the union is unbelievable, Plus it will only cost us $200 to have a baby… you just cant give up benefits like that! That’s what I keep in mind when I begin to crack… One day it will iron itself out & we will have the American Dream! lol Well, our version of it anyways!

      Its awesome to see that you have the same passion & drive that I do to be a Godly submissive & serving wife to your husband. Ill be praying for y’all as well! Its definitely a different life & those who don’t live it just cant begin to understand!!

  3. Wow! I was searching for something like this on Google because I wondered of anyone felt the way I was feeling. I came across this page and it’s crazy to read your stories. I am only 24 and my boyfriend has been with ups for 2 years. He plans to make this his career. He is still in the warehouse but has the opportunity to go feeder. He is concidering it, the only thing holding him back is the 70+ hours a week.

    I read your stories and wonder how I will feel having him as a husband one day. We both want 4 children. I really see myself having kids and marrying this man, but it seems difficult to overcome the possibility of never having him home to watch his children grow or to have a relationship with me. I don’t want him to just be a weekend father to our kids one day or just a husband to me on the weekends.

    I am really confused and torn apart because I love the man he is and appreciate everything he is willing to do to give his future family a wonderful life, but at some point I feel like he needs to realize money isn’t what matters. I want him to realize family is more important. I just wish he wouldn’t have to work 70 hours a week if he moves up to feeder.

    Any suggestions?

    • Hi Ashley,

      I know exactly how you feel. I’ve searched and searched online to find someone writing who knows what we UPS women are going through. It is truly a unique experience and friends will be encouraging…but I think the only other women who might understand how we feel are army wives!! UPS is a great company. They offer security in an insecure economy. They offer great benefits that will bless your family. The pay is usually really good! The hours…not so good. The frustration…not so nice. I want to encourage you. You are not yet married and I understand your fears wondering what your family life would be like with your guy working such crazy long hours ( and in to the night it sounds like). I’m sitting here right now with my infant next to me..it’s 8:15 and my sweet husband is STILL not home. This is a common story.

      With all that said, if you love your man and he has demonstrated that he is committed to you and loves you, wants to serve you, that he respects you in your dating relationship…that is SO much harder to live without. Has he shown you now that he can invest time with you? He will still be that same man..same hopes fears and aspirations. Communicate with him your needs to make sure he will be there for you on the days he is off.

      You will have to go in to this understanding your man will be working long hours. He will get tired…so will you. I suppose my one piece of advice would be that life is always going to throw difficult trials your way…no matter who you are with or what jobs you have. Life is never guaranteed to be easy. Being a UPS wife won’t be. What is worth living for are the people God puts in our lives. My husband is gone a lot. But I can’t live without him. I have to be the one therefore to support him through this. What greater blessing is there in life than to help each other get through the tough times? I recommend reading a book called, “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. Read it together!

      Find good friends who are encouraging. Find an older mentor who can encourage you through the tough times. Find a hobby you love and pour in to it. Share that with your man. Do things together you both love on the weekends. (we enjoy hiking). Those two days matter a lot…make them count! Don’t think about making them count…just live. laugh. love. Talk through your feelings and worries.

      There is a facebook group called UPSwives you can join. You’d be surprised at just how many women are there complaining about the same things we do. LOL. Hope this helps and is encouraging! Get yourself a dog if he is going to be in feeders. Nice nighttime companion. 🙂 Will help you feel a lot safer when sleeping.

      love,
      K

  4. Ashley, You are definitely not alone! I was so blessed when I found this blog last year and the FB group. I am also 24 and my husband has been with UPS for almost 14 years and a feeder driver for the past 2. We have been together for almost 6. I know exactly how you feel. Please don’t hesitate to find me on facebook if you would like to talk more. 🙂 My full name is Brea Lyn Albritton.

  5. I’m so glad I found this post! I really needed it today. It actually brought me to tears. My husband and I have been married barely over four months, and he finally started driving for UPS in September. It was an answer to our prayers because we need the money. What I wasn’t expecting was to be home alone every evening, to be eating dinner alone, I wasn’t expecting to only spend 30 minutes with him, and then not be able to keep my eyes open because it’s so late.
    We don’t have any kiddos yet, which makes it easier, but I also feel like we’re missing a vital time in our young marriage, by not being able to spend time with one another.

    We, too, cherish our weekends, but those two days really go by so fast!

    Thank you for sharing this.

    • Brianna,

      I’m so glad you found this post and were encouraged by it! I’m so glad to know that all you ladies that come here and read my little blog might find comfort and that it reminds me that I am not alone in this world of crazy UPS living. It truly is unique! My husband started working as a part-time loader when we first got married. He was so excited and so was I. However, soon after receiving his promotion is full-time sup, I started seeing less and less of him. I kept (keep) thinking it’s going to get better. I keep thinking that no man can keep up these long hours. That UPS will give their employees (drivers and supervisors both) a break, value the quality of their lives over the quantity of packages they are getting out into the world. So far I don’t think that is going to happen. It is a reminder that in a world that does not praise God, we can’t expect them to honor us in Godly way!! So remember that God loves YOU and he is watching over you, that when you feel so alone you are not and never will be. Take those lonely moments to find comfort in Him! That he is using your man to provide for you. And those weekends that go by so fast, take the time to slow down with your man. My husband has trouble wanting to leave the house on the weekend. I think the fast pace of UPS takes its toll on him.

      Thanks for visiting. Blessings on you both!

  6. As I’m washing the dishes to prepare dinner for my husband, who won’t eat it until 11pmish tonight, I couldn’t help but wander if there was such thing as a UPS WIVES support forum. I’m so happy I stumbled across this blog. As I’m reading everyone’s stories I couldn’t help but cry. Knowing that I’m not alone. My husband has been with UPS for about 4 years and driving for 1.5 years. We just got married in August and we were fortunate to spend a lot of time together after the wedding. But then reality hit and he’s at work putting in late hours as I’m home alone all night. I never complain and try to not show my loneliness because he works so hard for us that I wouldn’t want him to feel bad. Every morning we both wake up at 7am, fortunately we have an hour together every morning. Then off we go to our jobs and daily routines. I get home at 5pm and as much as I want to not sit around it’s hard not to let the loneliness consume me on some nights. If only we had family and friends that live around us but the closest family is 2 hrs away. As much as I appreciate UPS and all the benefits and good pay that it offers sometimes I wish I could have my husband home just a little more than usual. Even when it wasn’t peak season his hub just always seemed busy enough to keep my husband out late and now peak season has just depleted our time at night. Even though with peak it’s known that hours are going to be crazy, that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier on the families that wait up at home. He gets home. I warm up his dinner. I struggle to stay awake for 30min and off to bed we go. I offer nothing but support and praise to all the other women out there that share these feelings. Thank you for just sharing your stories and allowing it to help someone like myself.

    • Hi Desi,

      First of all that is a beautiful name! Second of all, welcome to my little blog and I am so touched to have encouraged you in some way. There are many many nights I find myself despondent and ready to break into tears. We have four children and it’s just exhausting to pretty much raise them alone. I do it willingly and I wouldn’t change anything…but sometimes I find myself asking…why can’t my husband be here??! UPS is not for the faint of heart. I felt so alone before finding a group on facebook actually. check them out. UPS wives. Family and friends have no clue what it’s like. My family is close and they still don’t really help out too much. 😦 You are a strong woman to do what you do! Really all the men who work for UPS as well as their dedicated wives are so near and dear to my heart. blessings to you and your man. hang in there…take the time you do have to let him know it. 😉 Just know you are NOT alone!

    • Hey Millicent! Your name looks familiar! Are you on the UPS wives page as well?? I get so excited to get in touch with other women out there who understand the insanity!

  7. I absolutely loved finding this. I’m sitting here with my 2 month old, still waiting for my husband to get home (it’s 9:30pm). He’s been with UPS 10 years and is a FT package driver. When you said you felt like a single mom, it made me feel so much better. I tell people that, and they respond with “At least you don’t have to worry about money like a single mom”. They have no idea how lonely I am. We never go out on Friday nights, my husband misses all of my kids soccer/TBall/school plays. Everything. I pray for the day he gets an easier route, but by that time our boys will be too grown, and probably won’t care if their dad is there or not. Sorry I’m being so negative, I’m feeling very Woe is Me right now 😦

    • Hi Fallon,

      Sometimes I think people expect us to be strong all the time. Like we shouldn’t be complaining because we should be thankful our husbands have a job or that he is supporting us…blah blah blah!! (of COURSE I am thankful). How can people rattle away and think that is encouraging??! Being without a husband who works long hours because the job forces him to and juggling children on your own is so difficult!! I say that I’m the one that has to be everything for everyone. I find my family members almost don’t wan to hear me vent…like they think I should be ok and just be dealing with it. Instead of offering to help, to invite us to dinner so we don’t eat alone, to trade driving each others kids to practices…so I find myself quietly suffering along this road of UPS life! I’m so glad you were encouraged. I’m feeling extra lonely. Be encouraged. Praying for your family during this time. At least we UPS wives have each other to relate to!

  8. Thank God I am not alone in my UPS love/hate relationship. My husband has been with UPS for 9 years. The last 2 years he has spent driving full-time as a package driver on daily blind routes. (Talk about stressful!) My heart aches for him and all of the other drivers because of what they go through; missing out on time with their families, the hardships of the job itself, long hours, face to face customer complaints, no air in the trucks in 100+ degree weather, and fighting the cold all day in the winter. It truly is hard and takes such a huge toll on the lives of those around them. My husband just accepted a feeder position and I am afraid he will be just as stressed as he is now, although he says those drivers seem to be a little less stressed, still more hours. The other thing is the wait for top out pay has been so hard on us! I had to leave my job a few months ago so someone could tend to the children. My daughter is epileptic and it was nearly impossible with us both working to give our children the attention they needed.I pray you all the strength and courage to get through those lonely dinner hours and long days of silence from your s/o.

  9. I am so thankful for these posts. My husband has been a full time feeder driver for UPS for nearly 13 years. We have two daughters, 11 and 7 years old. I work more than full time hours during the day and I have raised our children nearly single handed because of my husband’s UPS run schedule. My husband’s day begins usually around 2:30 in the afternoon and he usually gets home around 3-4AM. I wake up at 5AM to start my day. UPS has provided financially to our family, but it has destroyed our relationship. I feel like we’re roommates. I too long for “regular” family activities. I attend all the girls’ school functions ALONE, I eat dinner after the girls go to bed, ALONE. I sleep in our bed every night ALONE….It’s just a miserable lonely life. I want to be thankful, but sometimes it’s very hard. I’ll pray for you all because I couldn’t make it without prayer each day. I wish I could offer you more encouragement that being a feeder wife is a great life. It’s great if you don’t mind living it alone. Now, my husband has so many years invested that he doesn’t really have that many options to leave; it’s a mess!! Just remember, money isn’t everything.

  10. I am a girlfriend ( 6 years ) to a FT UPS driver, and I too find myself in the same boat. I find myself feeling lonely. I find most days when he gets off work he is too tired to do anything after a 12/13 hour day. He has been with the company for nearly 16 years. I try and be thankful and understand, but sometimes it is very hard. I wish there was a way we could all chat weekly with other women who understand!

    • Hi Brittany,

      Thank you for finding this blog! I am glad I can encourage you ladies, what started as me just venting little did I realize there were so many others who needed/need to do the same! I am working on a website specifically for us wives that will hopefully have a chat forum! If you check in to this blog, when it’s up and running I will post that information here! ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s